The Power of Saying No: Embracing Selfishness and Setting Boundaries

Introduction

Talk about an act of everyday life that doesn't get any less difficult to do; saying "no". Only a few years ago is when I really noticed how much I was excessively agreeing to everything. Which a lot of times looked like me refusing to acknowledge how I truly felt something. How I routinely justified how people treated me due to external factors such as relation, a lengthy history, or fear of gauging an unwanted response. Once I began saying "no" more often, I noticed a decrease in the overextension of myself into the wrong people and situations. I saved a lot of time, emotional strain, and ultimately, some resentment. Not once after saying "no" have I been left with the urge to recant. This is proof of why being selfish doesn't deserve its negative connotation and setting boundaries is an expression of emotional maturity and imperative for reaching long-term emotional tranquility.

Understanding the Importance of Saying No

Saying no empowers personal choice and autonomy. It often prevents us from inconveniencing ourselves for the sake of someone else's trivial satisfaction. In turn, we choose ourselves, prioritizing our feelings and the authenticity of our relationships.

Saying "no" is one of the most influential forms of self-care. It fosters respect for yourself, as well as those around you. The level of transparency that comes from the word "no" reiterates the value of being honest. Typically, we assume protecting one's feelings from being temporarily hurt is a sign that we care about them. Recognizing and validating one's feelings shows that you care about them, not by "protecting" them by being dishonest. We also can't forget the obvious impact this powerful word has on our mental health. "No" could be the last word that saves you from a downward spiral..

Embracing Selfishness as a Strength

I feel like we're all beginning to redefine selfishness in a more positive light. Typically, being called selfish is rarely ever taken as a compliment. This is why it's helpful to know the difference between healthy and harmful forms of selfishness. It's good to be selfish about things that aren't an extension of your ego; things that outwardly disregard other people's feelings. Your personal time, your dignity, your emotional well-being, and your spiritual domain are all worth being selfish about. There's a level of strength that comes from putting yourself first because it may force you to reconsider people's place in your life, which is something we often don't go out of our way to come to terms with. However, knowing that those in our circle genuinely love and respect us helps our personal evolvement and life-long generation of peace and attraction to good fortune.

Setting Boundaries: The Key to Healthy Relationships

Setting boundaries is a form being selfish in a constructive way. It's also one of the most difficult "no's" I've ever had to relay to someone. A boundary can be anywhere from someone limiting your access to them, to you being cut off and stripped of that access entriely. Refusing to establish boundaries can be more stressful and exhausting than the act of contemplating it. Boundaries allow us to separate ourselves from people's self-developed entitlement to disrupt our frame of mind. I grew the habit of acknowledging when people would say or do things that disturbed my spirit and/or made me feel undervalued in the relationship. This is an intuitive indication signaling us to set a much needed boundary with that person. Of course there's always the fear of backlash or just a very uncomfortable conversation, but the temporary discomfort from expressing how you feel, outweighs the long-term burden of avoiding it. A lack of boundaries can ultimately lead us to resentment and burnout.

Conclusion

It is always a call to action when working in the direction of self improvement. I express my upmost gratitude when reflecting on my journey towards being selfish and setting boundaries, because these are all decisions that I am proud of. I encourage my fellow sisters to adopt this same practice of self-love and embrace their own journey towards confidently saying "no".